walk this way

Can't get enough of Brexit? This rock 'n' rollercoaster show has just been renewed for another series, with the next finale planned for Halloween.

Recapping - the zombie leader is malfunctioning, and a set of potential replacements are jostling for dominance within a leaky dark star. Red fleet commander Jeremy can't fly his battle cruiser and his reputation is to only bring lollipops to a firefight.

Meanwhile, forces of the Federation are flying in spectacular formations, with an occasional wingman breaking away for hassle duty.

Cap'n Theresa has been hastily reprogrammed by a ground crew, but they only had a few plug-ins available. She must appear functional but has but a choice of smile, walk unsteadily and a selection of seven phrases on continuous loop.

Even by cliffhanger standards it's not looking good, with Cap'n Ther' defiantly trying the same moves over and over again. Some would call this madness, but it's an even more catastrophic failure, sharpened by her tragic belief that she is doing it for the will of 'her' people. She's also penned in, being unable to cross over any red lines or red carpets.


As a last resort, two specially equipped floaters have been enlisted to provide a steering mechanism, which can be operated away from camera angle.

It's a clever trick, with one providing diversion, whilst the other operates the complex controls and steering mechanisms.

The term floater was introduced by the Federation, originally as a playful nickname, and indeed the ones steering the Cap'n are so good that their lanyards display double gold floater status.

Back on the planet, feelings are still divided.

There's the saboteurs, led by a villainous steampunk time traveller and a red-faced man from the Rayleigh galaxy. Their destructive antics intend to make a farrago of the federation.

Then there's the faithful. They haven't realised that Cap'n Ter's project was doomed to fail and are still rooting for the original idea. They don't have a unique thought in their head although their numbers are such that they can create quite a hullabaloo if left to their own devices.

The swaggers are an altogether more malevolent force. Mercenaries paid to turn up at special events and to throw themselves around. They come in two sizes. A thuggish larger model and a compact attractive (usually female) model designed to steal photo opportunities.

But the ones to watch are the schoolboy clowns. They may look harmless, but hide a deep-rooted ruthlessness in pursuit of personal power and wealth. They'd topple anyone in their path, renege deals and do - well - anything to slime their way to the top.

But I'm in danger of giving away plot. Let's just say Cap'n Ther' still wants it all wrapped up by the end of May.