that boy needs therapy

I’m not sure whether 'Rebels' is the right name for the people opposed to Boris Johnson’s implementation of Dominic Cummings’ plan.

Using that language plays to the Brexiteers' vocabulary. “Give them a framing language to teach them how to think,” as the influencers’ handbook might describe it.

Boris, with Cummings’ hand on the tiller, is reshaping the Tory party to be more extreme, more right wing and stamping on the faces of those that oppose, even long servers like Ken Clarke and Nicholas Soames.

It’s a weird strategy, with his recent run of four out of four defeats.

Now that the House of Lords has agreed to pass Hilary Benn's bill to seek an extension to the Article 50 by 5pm on Friday, it means an election is on the way.

It’s still a moot point about the way that the situation is being gamed. Boris wants a breakpoint, so that he can shift blame away. Blame the EU, blame the opposition, blame Mrs May, blame the Civil Service. nulla mea culpa, 'guv

So the law forcing Article 50 extension has managed to get ahead of the bat habitation regulation bill in the wilfully jammed procedures of the House of Lords. If Parliament is hung, it stops Boris Johnson from crashing the United Kingdom out of the European Union.

But there's still game playing afoot. The new law still leaves the worst case of ’No Deal’ hanging around.

Both parties are cynically using it as a kind of bargaining chip. Like playing with the countries wellbeing for their political power. Some might say ‘betting the farm’ although they don’t actually own the farm they are betting, and are our servant custodians.

We must not forget that Boris the Clown is crazy in the coconut. Losing his first vote is probably Guinness world record material and to simultaneously crash the party majority is a wrecking blob masterpiece.

Shadowy Dom marches on. He's promoting talk of reframing the election run-up. Derestriction of the broadcast rules, no reductions on political party spending, no restrictions on outside groupminfluences. It's as if Cummings has learnt from the last set of legal transgressions and tweaked the small print for the next fight. Farage and his offshore moneybags will be rubbing their hands together.

Johnson can now spend public/government money on campaigning, and make it look very official. Something that no-one else can match without significant off-shore assistance.

reality control

I'd forgotten that Jacob Rees-Mogg hosted a champagne party to celebrate the Brexit defeat of Mrs May, back in January.

"ERG chair invited ‘relieved’ Brexiter MPs home for drinks after May’s historic defeat," ran the headlines. I don't recollect that he was booted from the Conservatives for being disloyal?

Then, if I go even further back, to November last year, I can see the paper presented to Parliament by the Prime Minister at the Command of Her Majesty. I dug around in the statistics of this at the time.

But, as Mr Gove has said, "People have had enough of experts". Redolent of "Don't confuse me with the facts"?

I decided I'd have another look at that old paper, ahead of Sajid Javid's Spending Review. The old paper still makes interesting reading, having modelled around 100 scenarios for each of several likely Brexit outcomes.

This expertly-produced paper, charts No Deal on the left. Notably worse than all of the other outcomes it shows a 7.6% reduction per capita of GDP, compared with Remain. I added the red line across the scenarios to emphasise the progressive worsening across the scenarios. Let's see. No Deal is the one that Boris has been promoting, and anticipating through his (virtualised) negotiation strategy.

I thought of my red line and curve fitting it to that picture of Rees-Smug demonstrating how not to be a leader of the house. I had to flip the Mobbster to make it fit - it's okay though, his Pop persona is practiced at being two-faced.

I subsequently discover that Andrew Adonis had come up with a better example.

I'm confused, though, now that Boris has implemented Dominic Cummings' plan for the destruction of the Tory party. It still doesn't get away from the fundamental problem that Brexit is insoluble.

Supposing we have another election and somebody 'wins' (not a foregone conclusion).

What happens next?

Will a magical unicorn solution rise on a rainbow into the sky to save us all? I don't think so.

The EU built in a fundamental principle that no one leaving should be any better off than when they were members. Her Majesty's experts have documented the same in a detailed paper.

Johnson and Gove are telling little white lies about the ongoing negotiation and the state of preparedness. Rees-Mobster is getting his right gang back together. Conservatives are being weeded from the Boris party.

I'm reminded of that £1.45 stamp issued last June. Perhaps Her Majesty was trying to tell us all something?

speeches by Boz

[Camera clicks and distant shouting]

"Friends, Romans, voice of the people, Bozza here. Look, I don’t have a plan. Mrs May’s Withdrawal Agreement is still the only offer on the table to negotiate and Mr Tusk has said 'mon chemin ou l'autoroute, Boris' to changing it in any way, even the blasted backstop. That’s why I've put all the welly into 'No Deal' and expect undivided loyalty from the Party. Follow my spotless example of clarity of direction.

"I’m keeping up the pretence of negotiating, but I’ve not been back to Brussels once since they gave me that flea in my ear. Instead, I've just sent a frosty envoy and a few Sherpas to wander the corridors.

"The Sword of Damocles is correctly positioned over Mr Gove’s head (under Dom’s advice - I think he has a score to settle). Govey’s the one responsible for making the No Deal process work and if it crashes we can all point a finger his way. But Dom has also said that I’ll for the chop as the Prime Minister who wrecked everything. I've noticed he is careful to stay out of the limelight, even when his nickname is Prime Monster.

"Luckily, Dom’s come up with another wheeze. He’s suggested that I could create a diversion (not just Dylan the dog, but we’ll have that anyway). By creating the circumstances where we look as if we are forced into a General Election, it gives me some new moves. I could declare the election and then move the date to after Brexit Day. That’ll scupper everyone and tip the No Deal through. I can’t wait to get my hands on all that money that Phil squirrelled away.

"Or, I could let the election run. Either election outcome works. Conservatives win and I get enough mandate to carry out the No Deal. Huzzahs all round. Conservatives lose and morose Corbyn gets in. Then, he’s holding the hot potato whilst the sky crashes down.

"What could he do? Nothing effective. His moves (so Dom tells me) are Socialist No Deal. Socialist Withdrawal Agreement. Socialist Remain. We can make sure they all sound as bad as one another and prove that Corbyn is as useless as May.

"Meanwhile, Carrie has reminded me to ensure my share portfolio is in order. Jacob is the man to ask about this. I think he and his ERG friends have moved all their money offshore and into tax havens. Instead of North Shields and Barry Island getting lovely tradeports and tax haven status, we might even have put up with new austerity.

"No, I won’t be led in chains through the streets. As the Bard and Cleopatra put it in that Roman tragedy : 'The quick comedians / Extemporally will stage us, and present / Our Alexandrian revels: Antony / Shall be brought drunken forth, and I shall see / Some squeaking Cleopatra boy my greatness...'

"Oooh, Please Yourselves."

[Thunderous heckling and cries of “Stop the Coup”]

studied scruff ru(i)ns country?

Prime Minister Cummings is doing more shadowy things. Threatening the Conservatives with deselection if they don't follow Boris Johnson's lead in the next Brexit vote. Ironic really, with Johnson and Rees-Mogg as notable dissenters during May's tenure as PM.

It's more of his bully-boy tactics and the likes of my local Tory MP will cower in his wake and do what he is told. I've previously written to the MP in question; he didn't reply. Then I wrote again and I'm still waiting.

A few of us got together for some drinks at the weekend and compared notes. I can't say we were politically aligned, but everyone was dismayed about what was happening.

My other local MP is Labour and has spoken out about the challenge to democracy and the irrationality of the current No Deal position. That's altogether more spirited and does seem to be away from party affiliations in favour of 'best for the country'.

Meanwhile, there's various dogmatic Conservatives being trotted out onto the airwaves to say how the lack of discipline will destroy the negotiating position.

What negotiating position?

Boris has arm-waved a few aspirations and the EU have requested a plan or suggestions for adaptations. Boris waffles about outcome, but he has no mechanics to achieve anything. There isn't a new negotiation, although it is being cited as the next piece of Tory religion to cling to power.

The government knows it and the Civil Service preparations are chugging along. No one will be caught out by not having produced oodles of papers and forms for the anticipated outcome. Gove will see to that to protect his own perch.

Presumably there's now a slew of expensive external consultants churning the trite little Brexit missives. Take a look at this one about buying from the EU.

Writing to is an MFOR project. Money for old rope. Safe, predictable, dressed up inanities.

Notice the in-built "Pass the problem forward" clause.

"If you get stuck following this advice, you can always call the UK European Consumer Centre for help with problems buying from an EU country." or maybe "check the Terms and Conditions" or even "check with the company". Hand-washing pfeffle.

It goes on to say that No Deal means you may be charged more for using credit or debit cards to pay for things in euro and that payments may also take longer. Well, that's good to know.

Someone has got a tick in the box for this piece of self-evident advice.

Now we have an emergency Cabinet meeting to discuss the prospects for an early election along the lines of Blair's "no-one will vote for Jeremy." That's followed by a threatening "MP drinks reception" at number 10 to whip up support.

So let's see - we have feeble advice, a non-existent negotiating position and a non-elected dictator pushing the government to flagrantly bully its way to an outcome.

Let me just check the Referendum result again. Maybe a chart this time?

Oh, I remember. It looked like a narrow split to me? And that outcome was based upon the original overfunded misdirection and a void of actual knowledge about what the resultant deal would actually comprise. Cummings' puppetry may be hidden in his warped-minded loops at the moment, relying on clock and block tactics to remain in the shadows. Predictably, he'll probably throw in a pup with doleful eyes to distract everyone, soon and grin psychotically at the "Boris has sold the country a pup" metaphor.

His negative energy is blocking the sun.

Oh yes, #revoke, #rebuild, #remain

look what the ethical tote dragged in

I’d expected the rattle-some Michael Gove to be the first casualty in Boris’s Cabinet.

Along the lines of the Dominic Cummings inspired 'select scapegoat’.

Gove is a more obvious puppet of the regime and can be reliably dispatched to prattle on radio or television whilst holding the line.

Instead, we get the surprise of Dominic Cummings summoning one of Chancellor Sajid Javid’s special advisers (SpAds) to a meeting in Downing Street, where she was accused of leaking secrets about No Deal preparations to Philip Hammond, her former employer.

Despite denials and a formal refutation, she was fired, her security pass removed, and she was escorted out of Downing Street by an (armed) police officer. Sajid David wasn’t informed of this second member of his staff to be fired by Cummings.

Cummings is now operating bullying copycat Steve Bannon measures to attempt to secure his own authority.

Itemise the actions deployed by unelected Cummings to undermine Javid’s position: cancelling Javid's speech on the economy, pre-briefing on Treasury-led fuel duty cuts and firing two of Javid's advisors. Cumming’s paranoia is weeding out any advisors he thinks dicey as an looming precedent to more fundamental scraps.

Cummings likes loops*. He’s doing his best to remove certain players from his own twisted one.

* his considered OODA (Observe-Orient-Decide-Act) loop is flailing though. He just executed PDCA(plan-do-check-adjust)

the bentley is in the post

They say the algorithms for selling things on the internet are getting smarter. All the artificial intelligence is being harnessed to provide a realistic profile of individual consumers.

Refreshing, then, to get the above purchasing suggestion delivered to my in-basket. It's an armoured Bentley Sports Utility Vehicle.

I'll confess, I was intrigued enough to go across to the website to see just how expensive it would be. That's where I noticed the more accurate description of the armour level.

BR6.

That's the bullet resistant glazing standard that can take 3 bullets within a 120cm pattern from an assault rifle - to a total force of 3270 Joule. Or two DM51 hand grenades. That's 120 grams of German Nitropenta explosive. To be honest, I was a little disappointed.

It's the diesel cleanliness story all over again. BR7 was the top level, but when they introduced VPAM, the gangster and politician-popular BR6 and BR7 dropped to being only about half way along. Someone should tell the sales office.

Even the Prime Minister's car is BR7/VPAM8.

Now it is not as if I play RPGs on the computer, so I guess it must be some other profiling that has tripped me into this strange world away from the lawnmowers and sofas of generic advertising.

In other news my novel-based lottery fund has received an unexpected few shillings, so I'm back in the gambling game again, although I had to play a low-brow dice game to fill the meter up to a usable lottery amount. By deft dicemanship, I've another £7 which will keep me going for another couple of weeks.

It would otherwise take me some time to save the $500,000 for one of those cars. And that's without the recommended siren and voice options. They are having a laugh, aren't they?

trigger warning - it is a mind meld so we need to Fail Safe.

All our minds are belong to them.

A Cumming's bunker mind meld blended with hackneyed Johnsonian arm-waving distractions.

My gestalt isn't falling for it.

Just because Boris runs around opening lots of Dom Boxes with an excited 'Squee' sound, doesn't mean it is right. The press could be all over it, but have decided that the boxes are too interesting. Boris the Pro Rogue. 'Ullo Boris, Gotta new Agenda? Boris does Brussels.

As a cartoon series supported by a comedy penguin it could be quite funny.

Instead we get the driverless train careening over the cliff edge. Ego-driven opportunism by Boris. Crafted by Dom to take back control to the elite Eton messers, whilst the weak, bearded opposition dithers and sounds ineffectual.

Apply the safety cut-out before friends of Jacob Rees-Mogg convert the UK into a tax haven and freeport, using offshore money that can pick up UK enterprises at knock-down rates.

Make no mistake, whether it is a crash-out deal or a sneakily rebadged Withdrawal Agreement, the exit will create another few years of uncertainty and delays to the domestic agenda, plus an outgoing payment of at least £65 Billion.

Or, we pay the £8.5-£13 Billion per annum (70p to £1 per day, per taxpayer) to remain in the EU and continue as we are.


Press the button. Revoke Article 50.

Fail Safe.

Brompton, Frost and Sekers clip plus Carradice Nelson bag

I decided to see whether the Frost+Sekers Quicklock fixing would work with the Carradice Nelson saddlebag.

Short answer - Yes and for me it is better.

The challenge with the Carradice Bagman Explorer saddlebag support was that the metal from the Bagman frame stuck out about 30 cm and made the folded Brompton significantly bigger. It's ideal for any normal (non-folding) bike and I will repurpose it onto another cycle, where it offers stability and a really nifty click-in click-out system.

Meanwhile, the three leather straps that came with the Carradice were useful for the revised fixing to the Frost+Sekers handle. I could use two of them to thread the saddlbag onto the Quicklock handle.

Then remove the Brompton seat and its various pentaclip fixings, using a couple of allen keys.

I should comment that the saddle fixing has several washers and spring clips in its mounting and these need to be quite cautiously retained when replacing the saddle bolt. There's a comprehensive instruction set with the kit but it doesn't mention the washers.

The end result is a very neat fixing, which clicks into place and can as easiy be removed. There's a third leather strap (which came with the Carradice) and which can be put around the seatpost to assist stability.

well travelled lens

I've been mainly using my iPhone for photography recently, although a couple time I had to take cameras, lenses and lights along.

One was at a local museum, where I'd been volunteered to snap an exhibit.

Then, a first.

My Olympus 17mm F1.8 lens suddenly stopped working. A digital lens, akin to 34mm in 35mm SLR terms, it is computerised and servo-operated and I could tell that it was something that I'd not be able to fix. I did try re-loading the firmware and swapping it onto a couple of different camera bodies, but the lens was completely dead.

Time to check the warranty and send it back to the manufacturers. Bubble pack and auto-printed mailing slip and off it went, initially to Southend-on-Sea, but then to Spain, where Licinia carefully replaced the iris. Now it's back and 'as good as new'. Reassuring to know that the service was as effortless as this.

dropout boogie (basement and pavement scenes)

Johnny's in the basement, mixin' up the medicine. I'm on the pavement, thinkin' about the government.

Look out kid, don't matter what you did. Walk on tiptoes, don’t tie no bows. Better stay away from those that carry 'round a fire hose.

Well, I've signed the petition and written to my MP again. Unfortunately, someone has pulled the democracy plug out.

Look out kid, you're gonna get hit, By losers, cheaters, six-time users.

Time to listen to some dropout boogie, from the Edgar Broughton Band.

comic book

It's a comic book democracy now. Suspend Parliament, operate in secret and keep quoting Greek history.

Defeat the Spartans.

Team Boris, orchestrated by the bunkered Major Dom, is borrowing ever more from the Trumpland playbook. This time it's the art of mis-direction.

Send in Sajid Javid with a laundry list of new ideas to spend money. Make it electorate friendly by headlining the NHS, Education, Social Care.

It doesn't have to add up to anything meaningful - no-one will notice - there's still Phil's Brexit contingency money to spend and the £39 billion the UK owes to the EU. That's £65 billion altogether, assuming the No Deal dropout. Come to think of it, Sajid just announced an extra £2 billion for Brexit contingency. That could be instead of Phil's £29 billion?

Less reported is the scuzzy politicians' way to renege on prior agreements. Why bother to settle bills with the EU? What could possibly go wrong?

It's okay, though. Short the $1.22 GBPound, move offshore, buy foreign stock. That's what Snooty Jake would do, and many of dodgy Nige's mates.

Boris and Dom have set the tracks so that No Deal will happen simply through inaction. Not content with driving the train over the cliff, its now about putting on a blindfold and jamming the controls. Even railway tracks have catch rails to prevent accidents, by derailing the offending wagons.

So I've signed the latest petition. To avoid the catastrophic outcome, the default position must become not No Deal but a revocation of Article 50. Set a catch point.


I watched a Punch and Judy show at our town's fayre recently. Punch (Pulcinella), is often considered the Lord of Misrule. I have another suggestion.

in which I decide to go Brompton electric

I realised I've had my Brompton bike for about 10 years. I'm not sure if the serial number is a clue to its age, because I suspect it might have the date built into it somewhere. I found some incriminating photographs of the S6L from a London Skyride back in 2009, then a picture of me unloading it from my car in Belgravia

and finally a picture of it parked outside Parliament, along the Thames.

Of all my bikes, this one has stayed the closest to its original configuration, through time. I once considered changing the saddle to a Brooks B17, but then I realised that the Brompton one with it has a special cushioned underside, which makes the bike easier to transport 'on the shoulder'.

Such is the cunningness of the design that just about every angle has been thought through. I joined the Brompton Users Group to read through the comments from other owners and I was struck by how many talked about journeys and/or bags rather than performsnce tweaks. That was until the electric version appeared and a few folk began to trial them.

Conventional story-telling says that the bike is for urban-dwellers and commuters, and that the electric version might be more for people who have trouble getting up hills. I was already convinced that the sheer utility of a bike that would fold down into my coupe car without knocking the seats down must be a force for good.

I also decided that if the e-bike could supplant some of the car journeys to shops, then it would have achieved some of the green-ness that my German car manufacturer was currently struggling to support.

So welcome to Brompton 2. It's known as a M6L, which is Brompton speak for a 'medium' handlebar, 6 speed (2 derailleur & 3 hub), with mudguards, not a rack. Oh yes, and it is electric. To a non-Bromptonite, the two bikes look almost identical.My first one has the slightly more compact 'sports' handlebar and is finished with silver bits. The electric comes in a choice of two colours only - black or white and for the black version, various parts have been additionally blackened (which was a paid option on the original bikes).

As luck would have it, I had a special voucher to get a significant discount on the bike, as long as I went to a particular bike store. That was a belated present from moving house, where the housebuilders gave various energy-saving inducements to the purchasers.

"Will you be riding it now?" asked the man in the shop, when I picked it up. He'd demonstrated the fold and the various buttons. I asked him if many went wrong.

"Truthfully, quite a lot at the beginning. They've sorted it out now and the software for us here in the bike shop is a lot simpler to use."

I said I'd be a chicken on this initial trip. I wanted to find a car park or somewhere quiet to try it out. We'd been on a bike trip recently and someone had a conventional e-bike which sped off suddenly when they were crossing a lock-gate. Ouch and emergency first aid to the leg.

My first impressions were actually pretty good. I was worried in case the bike would take off suddenly, but I discovered that pedalling seemed to be the only way that the motor would cut in and that then it was progressive. Brompton explain that they used some Williams (of F1 fame) engineering ideas when designing the motor and the torque and cadence sensor, which is built into the bottom bracket. The little black hub motor contains a planetary gear mechanism too, which no doubt makes the torque more controllable, via a fast revving engine that then gets geared down.



I like to think that some of the design thinking of the Brompton went upstream into the Williams FW-EVX platform, which they are trying to entice car manufacturers to adopt. The Brompton, at least, has the same battery cells, and the motor technology scaled down to 74mm width, based upon the chunky motors from the e-car.

Indeed, the general sensation of the bike feels like travelling on the pedal only one, only with 20 years younger legs. That difficult hill near the rec. ground? No longer. A reassuring quiet whirr can be heard whilst I pedal up it. Make no mistake though, if I stop pedalling, or apply the brakes the motor stops too.

So similar is the sensation, that I nearly had my own canal lock incident. Embarrassingly it was around the back of the bus stop shelter. I was doing a left-right zig-zag and slightly underestimated my acceleration. Nothing more than a screech to a halt, but it's reminded me to be aware.

The same thing happened in reverse, when I cycled from home to a nearby hill, was about halfway up it when I realised that I'd left the power off. Puff.

I conservatively opted for all 6 of Brompton's gears, despite various recommendations that I'd only need the 2-speed or 3-speed option. Embarrassingly, on this bike I usually select a gear and can more or less cycle everywhere in it.

Electric bikes in the UK (and Europe) have a legislated speed cut-off at 15.5 mph. Realistically, that's enough. If I wanted a motorbike, I'd have bought one. The bicycle needs to be able to keep up with traffic and potter amiably along cycle tracks. It's not about hardcore speed. My Garmin average speed is somewhere between 10-14 mph, so the bike still fits well with this. If I meander down to the river or the sea, then I'd put the speed even lower.

As well as the 6 gears, the Brompton has three power outputs from the motor: 1, 2 and 3. Honestly, I'm mainly using 1 at the moment. I guess I'm used to pedalling so the motor is probably providing a modest increase in watts. I'm also a bit chicken because of the possible increase in acceleration. This may sound daft, but I'm really quite keen to be 'in control' of the bike at all times.

I can tell that the design point for this bike is to set a power level and then stay with it. I've seen other bikes with handlebar-mounted speed controls, reminiscent of a throttle. I'm far more comfortable with the intelligence accorded through the bottom bracket sensing pedal revolutions and applying a suitable amount of extra torque progressively.

As for battery consumption. My longest trip out so far is about 15 miles. That's about two blips of five- 40% consumed? They say the range is 25-40 miles. I'd tend to agree with this and am anyway re-assured that the bike is quite usable without power, more or less handling as a standard Brompton.

And anyway, it feels much more like cycling. So, what do I think so far? Love it.