slippery

I listened to David Lammy this morning, voicing similar sentiments to my own about the latest squelches from the vapid toshmonger.

“Black people aren’t playing victim, as Boris indicates, they’re protesting precisely because the time for review is over and the time for action is now,” Lammy told BBC Radio 4’s Today programme.

“I don’t know why he’s announced a commission behind a paywall in the Telegraph, buried in yet another article about Churchill. If he was serious, why are there no details about how it will be staffed, its remit, its terms of reference, its timetable?

It almost certainly was written on the back of a fag packet yesterday, to glorify the apparent action by the government, whilst cynically generating yet another committee to kick issues into the long grass.

As Lammy said, "Legislate. Move. You’re in government – do something.”

Lammy added: “I made 35 specific limit recommendations in the Lammy review. Implement them. There are 110 recommendations in the Angiolini review into deaths into police custody. Implement them. There are 30 recommendations in the Home Office review into the Windrush scandal. Implement them. There are 26 in Baroness McGregor-Smith’s review into workplace discrimination. Implement them. That’s what Boris has to do. And then the Black Lives Matter protests can stop and we can get on with dealing with coronavirus.”

The slippy Clown wants a culture war to distract from the central issue.

rendering misdirection

I've travelled around virtual London on Zwift a few times and aside from the street logic being slightly strange, there's an impressive amount rendered accurately in the graphics.

They have optimised the public realm, by not rendering statues or by simply turning them into various Zwift icons, like squirrels and people on bicycles.

Now, the real London is starting to get the treatment. Outside Parliament, they have put a steel box around Sir Winston Churchill, and the Cenotaph, whilst simultaneously appealing to people not to visit London to protest.

With most of the statues in London, one already has to run Plus/Minus/Interesting thoughts, a la Edward de Bono. It's a shame that similar criteria are not being applied to the sorry collection of senior politicians supposedly guiding the country.

active duty?

Other people pointed out that those policing the streets in America didn't appear to have badge numbers or names. I looked at another picture and see that they are right.

Anonymous soldiers repurposed for the use of the State. Bunker Boy is taking a big leap if he's doing that. It's the kind of thing written about in fiction, where, say, a Black Ops unit is dispatched to a foreign country to create some mischief.

I'd not thought that it could happen on America's own shores, but then, I didn't write that episode of the Simpsons back in 1990 when Homer dreamt that Trump was president.

And if it doesn't go his way, he summarily fires people. Even the Pandemic Response Team were replaced with Jared Kuschner.

Over on Instagram, people have been posting a black picture, a black square, as a form of protest, whilst there is the hypocrisy of the manchild inside church whispering to his wife to smile for the camera.

Kudos to Barack Obama for creating his strongly-worded town hall on television and Obama with Bush, Carter and Clinton showing a unified face of revulsion at what has been happening.

James Mattis, who served as President Trump's first defense secretary, excoriated the president urging Americans to "reject and hold accountable those in office who would make a mockery of our Constitution," and “Donald Trump is the first president in my lifetime who does not try to unite the American people — does not even pretend to try. Instead, he tries to divide us. We are witnessing the consequences of three years of this deliberate effort. We are witnessing the consequences of three years without mature leadership,”

Now we get current defense secretary Mark Esper, "I say this not only as secretary of Defense but also as a former soldier and a former member of the National Guard, the option to use active-duty forces in a law enforcement role should only be used as a matter of last resort and only in the most urgent and dire of situations," he added. "We are not in one of those situations now. I do not support invoking the Insurrection Act."

Stayin' Alert.

Stay Elite

We've flicked over to the mad Emporer stage in the USA now, with the so-called President using tear gas and military force to clear an area so that he can emerge from his bunker to hold up a Bible whilst using a riot-proofed Episcopal church as a background prop for a photo-opportunity. Then he can spout about the 'terrorists' taking away 2nd Amendment (ie gun control) rights.

Virtual Reality?

He still uses short words and repetition, because his streetside-education serves well when talking to voters who like to hear about bad and very, very bad things so they know what to do. Like Michael Jackson, he's got bad times three now. Bad, angry citizens, Bad health with the pandemic, Bad economy.

It is more subtle here in the UK. Boris might not be using guns and strong arms yet, but he is just as proficient at the media manipulation. It becomes difficult to explain that a 5 bar warning system from 5=Dangerous Red to 1=All clear Green, is only being used occasionally. If I use the definitions it provides, I see that sports events return when we reach 1. But sports have returned. And shops and offices re-open with social distancing is level 2.

But I thought we were still at Level 4 and that the Committee that presides over the 1 to 5 dials hadn't yet been formed? I get the feeling that the daily statistics have been turned into a positive spinathon, driven by the need to reduce Government's spending and a wish to suppress some of the worst of the news. Matt Hancock carries spin with a worried expression, unlike the sly mastery of Gove and Bojo, who can effortlessly spin anything. Specious Gove presumably asks "Which way are we kicking?" before he goes to the podium, just to make sure.

Now we can watch Jacob, the Edwardian lounge lizard, coax Parliament back to house-sittings from its socially-distanced arrangement. He can hardly recognise the place, although his comfy chaise-longue is still there. He's worried about the loss of control with all that 21st-century virtualisation. Heaven forbid that the House modernise. Even the House of Lords has decided to go virtual - although it is not clear how the daily expense claims will work. Virtualisation won't happen on Jacob's watch. It will be far better to be able to doughnut the Prime Minister with a lot of Hawing Etonians to shove legislation through.

Jazza's main game is still concluding Brexit - his friends have so much money riding on it. At the last count, it was about £8bn of private bets made via sporting houses like Somerset Capital Management - where Jazza Rees-Dodgy has an interest.

But now we are down to the last seven months, it will be impossible to resolve a deal in the remaining time. Jazza needs the theatre of a House to bring through whatever variant of a crash out is currently mooted. Ker-Ching.

Of course, since Dominic has been whizzing around the country, many others have thought it's okay to travel.

I notice that the media didn't spot that Dominic is a part-owner of that place he went to bunker down with his family, and no-one mentioned that his dad must have been living in a second home because the main one is the slightly eccentric Chillingham Castle a bit further north.

How the non-elite live? Just like the rest of us.

I thought to move to a second home wasn't permitted under government guidelines, but I suppose if the spare home has been built without planning permission and doesn't pay council tax, then it is technically in an elite rule-free-zone. Passports to Pimlico, anyone?

But all this rule-breaking would account for the traffic jams on the M3. No, I wasn't in them and I realise I haven't been on a motorway for 10 weeks. Just a few local shopping trips. Fortunately around here is nowhere near as crowded as, say, Bournemouth, although a few locals returned from Exmouth the other day, put off by the crowds.

And I've only watched the big beach fights on television, not actually witnessed any of them.

traffic patterns in London

I see that London is still light on cars, leading to an increase in cycling, which should be a good thing. Now we need to figure out the best way to stop bicycles being stolen when left in the street.

Stay Alert.

scuttle award

There's a big black spider that lives behind the back gatepost. Every tie I go through the gate it comes out to have a look and then scuttles back away again. Even when I water the sunflowers, but I think that must be the water hitting the web.

I wonder how big a spider has to be before it gets awarded the verb 'scuttles'? Anyway, this one is big enough.

Then there are the spiders that have started cocooning the car. Okay, so it hasn't been anywhere recently. The spiders have woven webs between the driver door and the ground. I wouldn't expect them to catch much there if truth be told.

And as for the mirror.

The Robo Vac ate my power cord

We've all heard about that dog. The one that ate the homework.

Sometimes the excuses need sprucing up or modernising.

Like the RoboVac ate my power cord so I couldn't log on.

(sadly true, although it didn't happen to me)

Sometimes it's the long and complicated excuses that don't seem as realistic.

But then, making up excuses when under immense stress must be difficult.

just checking?

Toy car, 1/24th scale, for illustrative purposes only

Maybe I need this for my novel writing? If I wanted to check someone's whereabouts and they had been driving a car, I wonder if any of the roadside technology would be of assistance.

For example, Could the authorities tell when the car left London and re-entered it, by the Congestion Charge cameras?

If I wanted to see whether the car had gone further afield, could the authorities use the green ANPR cameras (Automatic Number Plate Recognition)? I notice that they don't store the numbers unless there is, say, a missing road tax or another transgression.

There's also a set of traffic management cameras on Motorways; how long do they retain their data and how smart is it? (for example, would it know a Volvo or a Range-Rover?

It's a little more tricky to cross-check the phone records, because the mobile phone would be accessing so many masts on a long journey. However, the call log could provide the relevant information, by illustrating where the call originated, although I'm guessing that it is an infringement of human rights to use such data?

Verschränkung thought experiment

I've decided that we are all living in a quantum paradox now. We've known for ages that the internet was made of catz, which may or may not be a uzable fact. And that most of these government guidelines are open to interpretation. If they have gaudy chevrons around them then they are a quantum superposition. Or are they?

The very architect of many of the snappy one-liners is the perfect exponent of the flat-pack excuse. He's loading a few more (slightly lumpy ones) into his car for another extensive trip in this picture. Or is he?

But Dominic Schroedinger Cummings has other quantum thoughts. He can be in London and Durham at the same time. And he can make an integer number of trips back and forth along the A1, where restrictions in range functions can best be expressed by a formula.

I know what you are thinking. It's an inverse square, isn't it? There might even be a law about that kind of thing. It does bring in imaginary numbers, which is something I'm sure Mr Gove would expertly discuss.

But maybe these thought journeys are like the visible states of the Prime Minister, random subatomic events that may or may not occur? Is he in Number 10 or not? Is he Taking Back Control or not?

As well as cats, social media must be woven by spiders with all that world-wide-web around the place. It leads to another of Schrödinger's thoughts -

Entanglement.

Stay alert.

boats back in the water

Well if it has to be lock-down then at least we have good weather for it. Even the boats are being put back into the water now, and the end of the car park is bustling with a tractor and a big crane. The black swans have returned.

In the town, there's still social distancing in full-swing and some of the shops have re-invented themselves and are selling different products. I just polished off an amazing raspberry brioche from Sara's Petite Cuisine.

And don't get me started on the Pastéis de Nata (Portuguese custard tarts) which are almost certainly the best in the universe.

The town has 2-metre markers on the pavements and chalk markings around serving hatches denoting the 'sweet spot' for service. We soon found the spectacular fish display in the Salutation Inn and even took home some fresh prawns suitably packed in ice.

But strangely enough, after all of that fresh air, a siesta beckons this afternoon.

It's not so surprising though. We were up until 3am this morning share-watching the Smash theatre show, which was beamed to our TV from Broadway via HBO and The People. We all decided it felt quite like going to the theatre, except the G+Ts were less expensive.

It's the first time I've ever seen George the RoboVac going about its scheduled 2 am cleaning chores

Unpaid tax at rest in the water

With all of Covid and Brexit swishing around it is still interesting to see what else is making the news. I see the British owner of a high street discount retailer is in trouble for tax avoidance. A few years ago they sold some of the shares in their company and then took the £235 million profit without seeing the need to pay any British tax.

Instead, they took advice from one of the Big Four tax avoidance specialists - a well-known and reputable sounding firm. For suitably agreeable fees, the tax advisory firm suggested that the owner relocate to Monaco.

Pass the luxury yacht catalogue.

Oh well, it turns out that the advice given might have been unsuitable because the owner of the company could not stay in his house in Liverpool for 2-3 days a week without HMRC noticing.

He did buy the yacht though and a whopping big one it is too. Not as big as 'Sir' Philip Green's yacht (the so-named 'Lionheart' aka 'BHS Destroyer'), but large, nonetheless. Notice the money-loading-bay at the back of Lionheart pictured below:

Alas, the poor tax-avoiding mite has to pay the full whack on the profit from the £235m sale now. It's apparently some £84 million in taxes - which seems to be at a surprisingly low rate of 35%. I'd have expected it to be more like 45% or £105 million. Of course, he's decided to sue the tax advisors for the £135 million which is what it amounts to after interest charges and so on.

But then, it is difficult to get the staff these days. I notice that the same Big Four accounting firm was featured in a Financial Reporting Council warning of an “unsatisfactory” deterioration in inspection results for audits of FTSE 350 clients over the past year, after only two out of three of the audits scrutinised met the watchdog’s standard of needing 'only limited improvement'.

The watchdog’s sharpest criticism was reserved for the auditor of that cake shop, when a multimillion-pound black hole was discovered in the accounts last year. The cake shop went bust, but I expect the accountants got their fees.

Cake and eat it?

Babylon Zoo alert

I expect, like many, I've puzzled over the Bluffer's explanation of the current situation on the virus. That scale of 1 to 5 doesn't seem to be getting much of an airing, but I suppose no-one can work out how to operate it properly.

As for the number-hiding, we are now seeing inconvenient truths being swept under the carpet whilst the Clown juggles through a daily number show. We used to call some of it spurious accuracy, when for example, the number of tests clicks up at 96,878 - although we all know that includes posted out tests being added to the numbers.

'Stay alert' sounds a little bit too much like living on the edge of my nerves and 'control the virus' isn't something that I know how to do, nor do scientists except the orange loony one in Washington who is snorting horse tranquillisers or something.

Then, to top it all, the other day we see that televisual nightmare Gove telling us to send our children back to school and get back to work if possible.

He's still hoping for a shot at the big chair.

The hidden problem that sees most of the Cabinet climbing the walls is that they are spending like there is no tomorrow. Getting people back to work would stop some of it and there might even be a few high streets left standing.

There's that 'let me get this straight' moment too. It's okay for cleaners, maids, gardeners, window cleaners to go back to work. Okay to play tennis or golf, maybe a spot of sailing too? and then there's that little gîte in France? Stay alert.

There's the dilemma. Boris is useless. He can feign sincerity and some people will believe him. He can wring his hands publically, but we all know he is looking for someone to blame. Will it be the scientists? the army? medical research? The testers? He can watch the orange lad position the World Health Organisation and the Chinese as scapegoats with an object lesson in blame avoidance. Stay alert.

And now, after last week's broadcast, he has managed to slice and dice the UK into its constituent parts. It is all very handy for another piece of his skullduggery. He can quietly let Brexit drift into the Theresa No Deal situation, by banning the B-word from Conservatives lips. Many pundits didn't think a year would be long enough to sort it all out anyway, now there's an available excuse, but the ideology of hard lining it seems to be winning over. The Moggster will get Parliament reconvened for just enough days to seal Britain's fate in the way that his so-called European Research Group lobby party intended. Stay alert.

And all bets are off as the Eurozone gets stretched like some kind of steel bar in a tensile machine. Get the ear protectors ready.

smoke fairies

Like so many bands, smokily drifting off into the future. It'll be Thursday 22 April 2021 before they are at the Think Tank.