CAPS ON MENUS? (sorry if I appear to be shouting)

49ers lament #FAWM 3rd lyric

I wrote this whilst watching the game. It's another FAWM February Album Writing Month lyric - although I don't think it would make it to any album.

It's based on a true story when we went to see the 49ers at Candlestick but didn't get in. I was thinking of a tune along the lines of 'The wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald' when I started, but it's kind of wandered.

Come gather ye round and I'll tell you a tale
Of the legendary park known as Candle-stick.
We Brits decided to go, to see the big show,
But events, they conspired against us.

We should have known best,
as we moved from Milpitas
To the luxury hotel in San Francisco.
We all had big suites
Where we should have to meet
A man from a company selling.

Instead in my car, we travelled not far
to the 49ers game at the stadium.
The concierge said he could get us all in
but we'd have to pay five times normal.

Go 49ers, go;
Let us see you 49-ers, so.

So "No" we both said, "we'll snag tix at the park,
Someone is bound to be sell-ing"
And sure enough, near the game
some guys said they could help us to get in.

We'd have to wait on the lot
In their chosen special spot
for their man with the tickets to ar-rive

Go 49ers, go;
Let us see you 49-ers, so.

We waited an hour and things just turned sour
We'd no ticktet and the game had now started
So we drove to the coast to shoot pool in a bar
and watch it play out on tel-e-vision

Go 49ers, go;
Let us see you 49-ers, so.

Our bad luck wasn't done
Cos when we left we forgot
Friend Steve's new American leather jacket

So next day we drove back
To Pac-if-ic-a for the coat
then back to San Fran-cis-co airport

Go 49ers, go;
Let us see you 49-ers, so.

I still have a tee-shirt, with 49ers on
But somehow the glitter has faded.

Go 49ers, go;
Let us see you 49-ers, so.
Go 49ers, go;
Let us see you 49-ers, so.

shirt sharp shock #FAWM

visiting the sup-er-mar-ket
buying week-end beans
had to pickup laun-der-y
to find those shirts they'd cleaned

that's when I got it
the shirt sharp shock
yeah that's when I got it
the shirt sharp shock

"Have you got your little ticket?"
asked the lady, all polite.
"No I have forgotten it
Do you think it'll be all right?"

that's when I got it
the shirt sharp shock
yeah that's when I got it
the shirt sharp shock.

"You havn't got your ticket
though your shirts are hanging clean.
That's twenty two pounds fifty
just pop your card right in"

"But I know I've paid already
I always pay up front"
"Sorry without your ticket
no money then no shirt"

So that's when I got it
the shirt sharp shock.
Yes that's how I got it
The shirt sharp shock.

alright now
shirt now
shock now
turn up those cuffs now
goin' home now

shirtless
penniless
cuffless
justice less

that white spray paint goes everywhere (Guitar Part 3)

My hands have gone white today.

It's the spray paint primer. I've been using one of those masks too and it's quite interesting how quickly the outside of it has gone a sort of grey/black colour.

I suppose I'd expected it to go white like my hands. It probably illustrates that there's all kinds of other stuff in the air that I'm breathing.

There were two of the masks in the pack but the current one still looks white on the inside, so I guess I'll use it for a while longer.

Kind of Darth Vader. Except white. Mainly.

smack hands with the devil #FAWM

As it's the weekend, I thought I'd have a go at starting FAWM (February Album Writing Month). Here's a ten minute warm up before I head out get some rattle cans.

smack hands with the devil
shake the monkey out the sack
I look into her eyes
'n see just pity comin' back

This ain't no place for livin'
They busted down the jamb
Rifled all my money
Said I owed it to the man

smack hands with the devil
shake the monkey out the sack
I looked into her eyes
'n saw just pity comin' back

Gonna leave this town tomorrow
Last few dollars in my shoes
Tied to one last bourbon
An offer I can't refuse

smack hands with the devil
shake the monkey out the sack
I looked into her eyes
'n saw just pity comin' back

Once she said she'd wait for me
I had money from the cards
but when we'd drunk the last of it
she played her final words

smack hands with the devil
shake the monkey out the sack
as I look into her eyes
'n see just pity comin' back

I know, I know.

preamble to making my own guitar (Guitar Part 2)

It doesn't look much yet but I've started to assemble the bits n' pieces for my guitar project.

I'm using the blog here in a very traditional way as a project diary of my thinking. That way I can look back at my imbecilic ideas later and chuckle.

I'm already realising how little I really know about this. My original premise was just to have a simple bash as a February project, but I'm having some different thoughts now I've started.

I'm trying to avoid 'creeping elegance', but at the same time want to make something that is actually usable.

A few points have come to mind in the early stages:

• The body: I think I can have a go at that.
• The fretboard: Way too difficult for me. Frets, Inlays, spacing, tensioner. I will need to procure this.
• Electronics: Straightforward. Some potentiometers, a couple of capacitors and some switches
• Paint job: Probably much harder than it appears at first inspection

I've had a chance to look at a few web sites where other people make guitars. I've decided that although I could try to make a copy of something recognisable, it will probably be better to make something -er- unique.

Someone's website showed what I thought was a stunning paint job on their own guitar project. Then others had remarked that the 'sunburst finish' wasn't quite right for the model in question. I don't want that, I'd rather invent something of my own based loosely on tried and tested designs.

I've decided to go for a traditional 'Les Paul' derived shape; it's a pretty and curvaceous guitar that also allows the various controls to be built into the wooden bodywork. I've tracked down some drawings but won't get too precious about the overall dimensions, as long as the string distances are correct.

Body
With a solid body and a screwed on neck, it should give me the ability to make the basic guitar parts fairly strong, with some ability to adjust. That's my pragmatic take on tone and sustain. I know everyone goes on about 'legendary' and 'vintage' guitars that cost thousands of pounds made from rare timbers. I'm thinking that if I can make something for very modest amounts, it will still be better than my playing ability.

Fretboard
I'll source this piece ready assembled, but add my own tuners.

Bridge
The bridge is another area where I think I'll need to spend slightly more than the bare minimum. It's so that I can adjust the strings in case the body isn't laser perfect (it won't be). I see that there is a type of bridge with little wheels on it to assist this. I've decided that it will have to be a fixed bridge (no tremolo) because adding the musical equivalent of a crossbow into the design is too difficult.

Paint
I've decided to go for a block colour and to make it something striking. I'd rather have people ask 'What on earth is that?' than have it blend into the background. It's also a way to hide the relatively inexpensive timber used in the construction. It will come as little surprise to those that know me to know that I've selected an orange colour, with probably black controls.

Pickups
The obvious thing to do with a Les Paul shape is to put two humbucker pickups on. My electronics comes in here again and I think I'll go for something less conventional, although using the humbucker form factor. I'm looking for something that can mix a humbucker with maybe a rail pickup so that I can make the device work in multiple ways.

Controls (a bit technical sounding)
There are a few components where my technological background makes me think I shouldn't scrimp too much. I've already looked at a few sites that sell volume and tone controls and I was surprised to see that many are so tiny and flimsy looking.

Instead I'll get some traditional 'big' old school potentiometers for the volume and tone circuits. They seem to be an important part of the signal chain and I can't bear the thought of using components that look as if they belong in Christmas crackers. It will make the soldering easier too. I also need to learn the special jargon for this used in guitars, such as logarithmic pots are called 'audio taper'. I've already checked that with humbuckers I need 500k audio taper pots for volume and 500k linear pots for tone with probably 0.047μF electrolytic capacitors. I'll get controls that have embedded switchgear I think, to keep my options open without adding more controls to the body.

Wiring
I'll want the control layout to look 'normal' but have a few surprises in the circuits. If I go for a humbucker/rail combo, then I'll want a wiring that supports series and parallel for either or both sets of coils, plus maybe something out of phase. That's something I can start scribbling out designs for right now.

I'm aware some of this may read as gobbledygook to passing readers, but I'm sure I'll get over it. Oh, and I've somehow got to fit this in around everything else, so don't be too surprised if it overruns.


(Building a guitar? See also parts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

a rose and a fleur de lys

Back early from a pretty hotel where a large group of us were involved in a conference. The moat around the hotel dates from Saxon times, although building is 700 years more recent from the 1200s.

It didn't really get famous for another 300 or so years in Henry VIII's time. He used it as a hunting lodge when he was married to Anne Boleyn. This was around the time that he'd had Thomas Cranmer annul his first marriage to Catherine of Aragon, which properly annoyed the Pope and started the break of the Catholic religion in England.

Anne was subsequently sent to the tower and beheaded and Henry sent Anne's daughter Lizzie back to the hunting lodge whilst he consorted with various other wives until eventually Lizzie became Queen Elizabeth I.

None of this gets a mention unless you ask, but a quick look around spots Anne Boleyn's insignia of a falcon. In its claw is a royal sceptre, added when she became Queen. There's also a Tudor rose and fleur de lys to remind of Anne's French origin.

Of course, we were not there sightseeing and in the usual way most of this stuff passes unnoticed whilst we use the wi-fi and scheme and plot for 2013.

do the clouds get in my way?

How about a visit to the Ronchini Gallery in Mayfair, exhibiting some of the uncanny work of Berndnaut Smilde? He makes indoor clouds using fog guns and has them photographed, often by Cassander Schattenkerk. I find them charming and a lot less scary than Dietrich Wegner's Playhouse cloud sculpture

Of course, around London, there's usually a good selection of real outdoor clouds, and they do seem to be a popular current theme.

I'm being approached by plenty of 'cloud offers' from the consumer technology community. I wrote a few days ago about the way that music has become more cloud-based.

A recent addition to the scramble is Microsoft's Office suite which has just announced Office 365 as a subscription model - with added clouds.

What I'm finding is that all the big suppliers are trying to get us on board with their pay-as-you-go offers. I already use the Adobe subscription to get their CS6 products as a bundle. I realised what I was already paying for upgrades to Photoshop, Acrobat et al. and that the subscription would be more economical.

It's a new way of thinking about the cost of ownership of the technology and requires something like Excel to do the sums. For software, instead of buying it, installing it and then eventually upgrading it, the subscriptions provide the supplier with a run-rate revenue model and can subtly rely on the users to remember what they've bought. For example, I can't remember all the things in the CS6 bundle and probably haven't installed all of them.

Accompanying all of these subscriptions to Music, Creativity and Office Things is the offer of space in the cloud. I notice that my Mac applications also offer to park new documents in the cloud as well.

I'm still not sure about this. I use the cloud extensively but am concerned about the trickling of things into a place where I may not be sure of the return access.

My example will remain with music. I could buy music and then not bother to download it, instead playing it on demand - Amazon offers this as part of their mp3 model. I already do that with my video subscriptions nowadays, and regard cumbersome video as more or less a rental library.

For video it's therefore OK if I'm on a network (duh!) but for music what about in the car? Yes, I have internet access from the car. Does it work everywhere? No. Do I want to rely on it for listening to my own music? I think not. For preprogrammed musical selections by others, I already have another car gadget called a radio.

What about listening on the tube? Okay, there's wi-fi now, well sort of. Am I with the right provider? No. So I could buy wifi subscriptions. This is all getting a bit complicated and more expensive.

Of course, what is happening is that everyone is working out how to make their dollar. Everyone in the chain want to get their piece.

So I'm wondering where the cloud concealed slice and dice is actually taking us?

I get it that rich society is moving beyond the anchored PC to mobile tablets and phones. I understand that the business model for these things is subscription based connectivity. I'm wary of how many subscriptions and how many links in the chain we need to make it all work.

And what happens if one o f th e links brea . ..

plugged in, not charging

The latest quirk of my brand new 2013 Windows 8 laptop is that the battery is reporting as 'plugged in, not charging'. It has been stuck on a capacity of 17% for the last week.

I don't believe the readout and think is some kind of driver conflict.

The system seems to come with both a Microsoft Windows 8 battery driver and also something that has been added by HP. I think they are conflicting with one another. A small but rather tedious problem.

I've been too lazy to fix it until now. This is what I just did to make it work again:

1) Use Control Panel / Device Drivers / Battery to uninstall the Microsoft ACPI Control Method Battery Driver.
2) With the computer plugged into the mains, remove the battery.
3) Use Control Panel/ Device Drivers /Battery/ Scan for new hardware/ to rescan for the ACPI driver, which it will re-install.
4) Plug in the battery again and 'Ta-Da' the battery is charging again.

I ran a google search about this. It seems to be a common and irritating problem.

series link

Back in the world of office blocks this week, albeit with a few unexpected reschedules. Sometimes the changes don't matter because there's other things competing for the time, so slight over-allocation can be useful.

It can depend where any resultant dead time occurs. Close to home it's not usually a problem.

Although recently I've been stuck in a distant hotel with meetings punched at times with gaps that just couldn't be usefully filled. It could explain some of my unplanned watching of DVD box sets on Netflix.

I'm in the clear again now for the next week or so, and I predict my serial viewing may diminish.

I'm gonna need a hacksaw (Guitar Part 1)

There's an article in the weekend papers by a motoring journalist along the lines of 'most cars are roughly the same' and it references a well-known make from which many variants are derived.

It then goes on to make a similar comment about most electric guitars, based upon a conversation with a well-known guitarist.

Now I don't know about either of the statements. It could be like saying all books are the same because they have pages and words in them.

Although, when I was fixing the electronic bit on my acoustic guitar some time ago, I was struck by the craftsman-like innards of the carpentry and thought that even if it had been inexpensively mass-produced, there was considerable sophistication to the construction.

Then I looked at a couple of electric guitars and noticed their relatively simple construction. I think one of them has a nickname as 'the plank' no doubt referencing the way it is put together.

So I've thought of a side-project for February. It's supposed to be FAWM "February is Album Writing Month". I'm not sure if I'll have a bash at that this time, I already have a surfeit of songs.

Instead, in a suitably ham-fisted way, I might have a crack at building a guitar. It's not that I need another one. I have more than my rather basic playing capability.

It just feels like one of those projects that needs to be done. I'm pretty sure I can handle the electronics. I know I can't build a fretboard, so I'll have to source that part. I'll also need to set myself a scarily meagre budget. And I won't be too worried if I have to pick up some of the parts along the way. Was it Carl Sagan that said if you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you first have to invent the universe?

First things first, what shape? I'm thinking expensive-looking Les Paul?

Then I have to decide whether to make it look like other guitars? - generic sunburst colours and so on?

Instead I'm looking at car paint colours. Would a metallic orange be too extreme?

In the words of Jack Bauer, "I'm gonna need a hacksaw."

wallpapering over the dips

They're all saying we may be about to go into a triple dip recession if things don't pick up in the next three months.

It's clever to make a major financial catastrophe sound like a new kind of ice cream.

I took a quick peek at the Office of National Statistics graphs and I reckon it's really a prolonged double slump, temporarily saved by the Olympics in the latter part of last year. A moot point nonetheless.

Mr Osborne seems to be attempting to cut our way to greatness, by continuing to prune everything as part of the great austerity programme to reduce the fiscal deficit.

The thing I wonder about is that each time we cut something else, we have less people working and less people paying taxes. I know it's a bit classicist to think like this (Say's Law and all) but sitting on dead goods, empty High Streets, increased low/non-earners and stagnant money surely can't be helping too much?

Our multi-millionaire second Lord of the Treasury Gideon George must have put his Bullingdon mind to this in some way, but I can't understand the preoccupation with reducing a deficit by quietly printing wallpaper quantities of money (because that's what quantitive easing is code for).

That's a passive and slightly sly way to make the numbers look better, but it doesn't kick-start anything. More government bonds/IOUs against an uncertain future. We just increase the quantity of apparent money and theoretically make ourselves more competitive overseas (notwithstanding the EU rhetoric).

The global financial analysts won't be fooled and will end up de-rating the UK from AAA, just like the Chinese have already done.

Instead of Cameron's children's godfather dithering over decisions about hot pasties and sitting in the wrong part of trains, we need someone to drive a leadership position on what is required. I suggest Osborne's yellow card was last July. The red one ought to be in Cameron's pocket.

The trick, Mr Osborne or your successor, is surely to make the money in the system do something useful?

How about making it circulate against new projects, jobs and goods to properly drive some growth?