Secret Winter Bomb Detonated

In a leaked memorandum, it can be exclusively revealed by rashbre central that the UK Government authorized detonation of a Winter Bomb over southern England early this morning. Scientists at the closely guarded Chillingston Weatherby facility have been waiting for an opportunity to use these capabilities for over two years.

Reliable sources informed rashbre central that the escalated reason to use the officially named 'Climate Modification Capability' (CMC) was linked to today's planned run of the Olympic torch through Central London against the backdrop of protestors linked to China's civil rights record. The intention has been to create a weather-based diversion to reduce the impact of the event.

Other factors receiving beneficial side effects from the detonation include the London's Heathrow airport, where plausible weather based delays to flights allow workers a chance to relocate the 28,000 missing luggage items. The snow also mitigates against global warming concerns which this weekend saw gratuitous pictures of sun drenched British beaches in many of the red tops.

Across the capital, unseasonally early barbecue plans were today halted as children switched from finding sun-blocker to looking for bobble-hats and scarves and prepared to build snowmen.

A spokesman for the Meteorological Office commented "We noticed an excessive buildup of snow clouds suddenly this morning at about 02:30. The weather pattern was unusual, as was the way that synchronized snowfall occurred in a cell pattern very similar to the planned route of today's London procession. However, there was also significant wind strength last night and the main weather system seems to have drifted south west from the originally expected position."

There are now fears of people trapped indoors by the still rising quantities of snow drifting in some places to a height of several metres. The UK Government was unavailable for comment, having been delayed in traffic chaos caused by what has been described as the wrong kind of snow.

troubadour

A re-acquaintance with the Troubadour today, in the Old Brompton Road.

We were already right in the area and it seemed like the perfect spot to while away an hour or two. It used to be a regular spot when I lived around Gloucester Road, whether for very late breakfasts or late night music.

Re-assuringly similar as we sat by one of the big coffee-pot bedecked windows where we drank cider, chatted and listened to eclectic music.

torchwood finale

"Set the freezer to defrost in 107 years time!" - great line in this Torchwood finale, with its plot devices worthy of the crew from Moving Wallpaper.

Jonathan Pope in 'wallpaper' was always trying to get the best soap prizes and wouldn't care about blowing things up, who fell for whom or who needed to be in a horrible accident if it was in the best needs of ratings.

Torchwood seems to be moving to this approach with lots of explosions, mutants, time-travel, gunfire and character catastrophes. As genre television, its great fun and good to see the irreverence towards what would usually be the gang of stars in the series. And its good to have one where even Julie got it wrong about the plot line having said before it started, based on the link person's words that (a) someone quite important would be killed and (b) it would be the fella of the ex policewoman. How wrong.

Don't click the plot synopsis above if you havn't watched the episode, otherwise its the one minute recap of the whole show. And I'm wondering about another subtle plot-line that might still be in the background for Series 3 with 'Owen' returning.

circuit

After some office meetings in the City, I'd been standing on Blackfriars Bridge finishing a telephone conference call in the open air and sunlight. As I finished the call, I decided to take a round about walk back, to admire the late afternoon weather and have an excuse to take some photos playing with a 20mm lens. Manual focus and fixed length, much more like film photography.

I decided to do a circuit along the Embankment, across the Millennium Bridge by the Tate Gallery and then via Gabriel's Wharf and back towards Westminster. It is still a little early in the year for there to be huge quantities of tourists, so a large proportion of the people around were Londoners, walking with purpose to get home, or more likely to meet friends somewhere for an after work drink.


Late afternoon, low sun and most of London chilling for the weekend. By the Festival Hall hundreds of coffee drinkers and book fair browsers with nearby skateboarding and extreme biking in the graffiti zone.

London winding down for the weekend. Like me.

replica sun machine

Continuing the occasional references to rashbre central's penchant for psychedelic indie pop, The Shortwave Set's Replica Sun Machine has been playing in the garret over the last couple of days. Difficult to classify, I think they call themselves Victorian funk.

Mainstream references would be nods to the Scissor Sisters, Goldfrapp, and Gnarls Barclay but with unusual microphones. I'll add nome NMH and even Decemberist storylines into that classification.

Spiraling progressive rock style chords, synthy arpeggiation, warm pads of cushiony enveloping sound, thoughtful big sounding strings behind a bass rock and acoustic guitar mix. Fronted by clever lyrics, which seem to change on the page as you read their looped artwork.

Shakers and movers. Let 'em laugh, let 'em shout. Who's gonna care when its all messed up?A hundred thousand reasons why. I don't wanna know.

Shortwave Set have a subtle guerilla Replica Sun Machine site too, from the band's Andrew Petitt including musical references like Olivia Newton Control, who have also featured here in rashbre central alongside the related Apples in Stereo.

A fine album, which also includes John Cale on viola, all the way from Deptford to Hollywood.

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these foolish things

Oops. I wondered why rashbre central was a bit busy today. Now that Reuters has picked up the HP story from 1st April, I suppose I'll have to come clean before JKR sends an owl around with a wand to zap me. The date is a clue about that particular post. I wonder if I should leave it there or remove it??

flying penguins

My favourite amongst this year's gaggle of April Fool's posts is this BBC documentary insert about flying penguins. If you can't click through on the photo above, there's another version at the Telegraph's site.

I hope it gets added to the hoaxipedia list of great hoaxes, alongside the Guardian's ancient travel supplement about the Island of San Serriffe (Capital Bodini, Islands Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse) and the even more ancient celebrated Spaghetti Trees from Panorama.

And not forgetting the annual BMW contribution. This year its the new Canine Repellent Alloy Protection system which is designed to stop dogs fouling against the sparkling alloys of new BMW cars.

Dr Hans Zoff, Head of Automotive Security from BMW AG, explained that it uses energy that would normally have been lost during engine over-run and braking which is now harnessed as Rim Impulse Power. When a dog tries to relieve itself on the wheel of a suitably-equipped BMW, a small and relatively painless electric shock is immediately administered to the animal, thus deterring future fouling. Shocking, or what?

...and here's the 2010 update

Technorati Tags: rashbre, bmw, penguins, flying, hoax, april, fools, canine, repellent, san, serriffe, spaghetti, trees

peak

An extended meeting today, from early morning, with just a ten minute sandwich break around midday.

It was 'Up North' and when it finished I realised I'd be hitting big traffic if I took the motorway route home.

Instead I picked a few favourite cross country spots and meandered back at least part of the way on lanes and across the Pennines and Peak District. It added a good couple of hours to the shortest time I could have taken and I did pause to look around in a couple of places, but I reckon the detour and a bit of country air was good for the soul.

Time well spent, even if it means tomorrow now needs to be manic.

Harry Potter Deathly Hallows Alternative Ending

A few days ago some of us met together and had a drink or two and a chat. We'd all been shopping and had evidence of our various expeditions in a mixture of carrier bags. Mine was the least inspiring, containing household electric light fitments and a replacement halogen bulb.

Someone else had a Harry Potter boxed set, in what looked like a replica Hogwart's trunk. We all agreed this was the most impressive shopping item amongst us - admittedly it was a present too.

Then we got to talking about the last Harry Potter book and that the film company have decided to make it into two films because it is such a long book. Whilst perhaps slightly exploitative, I suppose the Harry Potter books have created such a buzz with both readers and viewers alike, that so long as they make both halves well, I suppose we can't begrudge the approach.

Even more interestingly, some of us had read the Harry Potter Deathly Hallows alternative ending. This doesn't have Harry turn into a grown up and there are a couple of other twists that didn't make it to the current edition. We speculated that there could even be a third film based around the alternative ending, or perhaps there will be a special edition DVD featuring the rather intriguing twist to the story.

Actually, I slightly prefer the alternative ending, but I can see why the one used was selected in preference, to tidy things and prevent Book Eight (or film nine?).

The possibilities created in the alternative ending just beg for another volume and I even think I know what it would be called!

tera bite

If I chance to talk a little wild, forgive me. I was running a full backup of a computer today, bizarrely because the backup disk itself had decided to start making a clonking sound. Better three hours too soon than a minute too late.

The fresh backup says it needs to backup 1,518,289 things.

Forsooth, how careless we become with filing when it's all digital. Perhaps the overflow of good somehow converts to bad.

I suppose, like most of us, I just leave everything until full and then add more storage. So out of the nettle of danger, we pluck this flower, safety, to keep our systems secure.

Noting this doesn't include video folders (but does include iTunes and pictures), I wonder how the likes of writers in the past managed with simple paper and ink?

I just checked Shakespeare who penned a grand total of 884,647 words (thats words not items) to write his works, with (methinks) 31,534 different ones included. Not that I'm comparing quality (!) simply that creative life was simpler then with just ink and inspiration. Sometimes, we know what we are, but know not what we may be.

time

I loaned and borrowed a few DVDs last weekend.

So tonight, as reward for fixing the new and surprisingly snazzy £8.95 metallic venetian blind to the window in the loo, I watched the first film and somehow the time just flew by.

It was one of those 'classic' movies which I was sure I'd watched but somehow hadn't.

boat race

I lost the bet today. Oxford beat Cambridge. It's the only thing I bet on, but today I've earned the forfeit. My select syndicate bet with one another by phone and the debt will need to be settled in person very soon.

It was a rather wet day for the race, which also had a late start because of tides or something. Cambridge won the coin toss, picked the best position and did get off to a strong start. However, the big curve in the river was surprisingly difficult and Oxford managed to gain an edge, which served them well for the last part of the race.

The choppy river and the rain didn't help timings; it was about 20 minutes this year, whereas a fast time is more like 16 minutes.

Oh well. Cambridge will win next year.