clear vision, anyone?

I know we've just been told the date for the budget as 24 March, but although there's election posters all over the place in central London now, there doesn't seem to have been a date declared.

Perhaps naively, I find this slightly insulting to the British electorate. Much of the normal business of Parliament has been turned into the theatre of pre-election sound bites and the two main parties seem mainly intent upon point scoring.

Brown eschewed the opportunity he originally had to be voted in as leader of his party, or to have an election about a year ago when there was a previous opportunity zone.

Now, instead of declaring his position on this publicly, he leaves us all guessing that it will be 6 May, aligned with the date that other local elections are due to take place. I believe there's theoretically a few weeks into the start of June which would still be available, but it would seem slightly odd to get everyone voting twice in a matter of weeks.

So now we are hearing of senior civil servant pay freezes and no doubt some candied words in the Budget, whilst Brown presides over a 12.8 percent of GDP borrowing level (just slightly higher than Greece and about double the rest of Europe).

We'll be hearing more 'weathering the storm' and 'bumps in the road' speeches over the next few days as well as the Conservatives promising to rescind whatever gets stated in the next Labour budget. On top of the sundry scandals, these points reinforce the purposelessness of the last days of the current Government.

This time, to add to the fun we appear to be getting the politician's partners being propelled into the limelight. Miriam, Samantha and Sarah are all being blended into the campaigning to support their husbands and no doubt to receive camera scrutiny of their own.

At least Brown's recent comments about the economy may be accurate: "There will be many months ahead of conflicting statistics, false hopes and mixed signals."

As long as all this doesn't start to affect Britain's credit ratings too.

wagon wheels on the corner cabinet

With a new UK government corner cabinet attempting to get its show on the road, I found my my mind turning to thoughts of wagon wheels. It was probably an effect of the surfeit of wine that John and I drank before meeting Georgina.

The overhead televisions were running stories of the latest resignations from Gordon's flailing party. Geoff Hoon, John Hutton and Caroline Flint amidst her accusations of elitist inner circles and window dressing.

If not the wine bar, it was probably the later extended Shiraz experimentation whilst we enjoyed Georgina's paella in the mysteriously shortening evening.

So in my tired and slightly confused state I'm not sure whether Wagon Wheels fall into the category of biscuit or that of the alarmingly generic 'snack food'.

I'll assume that the 74mm chocolate covered marshmallows are biscuits and add them to the hall of fame started with in the advanced biscuitry briefings of 2005 with the bourbon and the later, though stealthier post about that marine amongst biscuits, the hobnob.

Eagle eyed will glimpse the illicit Tim Tam by the keyboard, although I've skillfully hidden the DDS sign of a mug of tea.

Which brings me to the enduring biscuitry advice for Gordon as he tries to apply his particular wheels. He is not dealing with Penguins here and his apparent use of DEEP DUNK and SUCK may be singulalry inappropriate.

brown election latest rumours

I should really be writing about something else today, but I can't help noticing that even the Scottish singing lady has been overshadowed by the Scottish talking man.

I see his current line is that we need to avoid chaos and keep the show on the road.

I may have a different view of chaos, so I suppose the small number of items I list below (last few weeks only), next to our illustrious leader (old photo, I'm afraid) officially do not constitute chaos.

Oh no.

economy deep in recession
factory closures
banking crisis
lawmakers' expense claims
tax money to pay MP accountants
snap resignations
individual Lords suspended
Royalty not invited to D-Day event
Cabinet resignations (Blears, Smith) before euro elections
Lords dosh for law change
bumper pensions for errant bankers
full salary and pension rights for ‘mistaken’ MPs
flipping houses to maximise expense claims
Speaker busted
lowest trust index ever for MPs
secret signonnow@hotmail.com plot to oust
meltdown(Telegraph), disarray(Independent), carnage(FT)

Feel free to reshuffle the deckchairs at will.

flipping chancellors? new balls, please...

News story generator. Use these words to make a political story. No special skill required.

flipping chancellor expenses
livid electorate buys political mascara
culpability
gordon's desperate measures
ed balls replaces darling
although unpopular
mandy goes foreign
after waiting 25 years
debacle
brown slurry
queen intervenes
?

more UK election 11 July 2009 rumours started

If the Queen has quietly asked Gordon Brown to dissolve Parliament, then we need to work out the timetable. There's usually at least 30 days from dissolution to an election, which rules out most of June.

July has only been used once since 1918 and August and September have never been used because of the summer holidays and the way it would weird out the results.

So theoretically, the most likely month is October, which has been used the most times since 1918; six times in October, followed by five in May and four in June.

Now, if the level of upset was maximum and pitchforks marched upon Westminster, then a July date is still possible, but would require rather a lot of gearing up in a short time. I'm also wondering if a Speaker is needed during the dissolution process, because even that role seems a trifle fragile at the moment.

Technically, Gordon still has another year, with the last valid date of the current Parliament being 10 May 2010. Because of dissolution procedures, the election wouldn't need to be until Thursday 3 June 2010.

So will we get another year of Gordon and Co, or is there election fever in the wind?

We have the Euro elections and a few by-elections in a few days. I'm guessing Brown, Cameron, Clegg and the others are getting into huddles to think about timings and campaigning. In July, it would need to be 4th (oops - sensitive?), 11th or 18th.

And what if the Monarchy did call for the end of the current Parliament instead of it being Gordon's dice roll?

Joanna Lumley is next Prime Minister

I know rashbre central leaked the "Harriett Harmon for Prime Minister" story a few weeks ago. It was long before it made it to the popular media and created many 'painted into a corner' denials.

We're now seeing the alternative scenario develop. As sundry further (very) senior Ministers get their strange cleaning allowances scrutinised and Harriett has to take the role to explain them, we can reveal that an absolutely fabulous person is being groomed as the next premier.

We're now seeing Joanna showing the government how its done before she makes her play to become an independent candidate and populist Prime Minister because the others on offer aren't good enough.

She may even stop the current Deputy Leader and Prime Minister spending their governmental time talking about over-privileged domestic allowances whilst the economy continues to burn.

close to the wind

Two years ago, one of the well known British Bank's shares were valued at around six quid. Today, Monday, they are worth 11.6p. One fiftieth.

The recent £20 billion of state aid wasn't enough to prevent an estimated £28 billion loss. Their purchase of a foreign bank soaked in sub-prime lending last year didn't help.

And now short selling is allowed again and other banks are taking on further water as playful dealers bet their bonuses on the degree of nationalisation of the banking sector.

Well, it seems we all like a flutter, so now our taxpayers' money is again being used to support the reckless financiers who have sailed their savers' money into every available rock. Despite Gordon's apparent anger at the recent run of events, there still don't seem to be many top cats being truly held to account over their steering of these badly trimmed vessels.

And whose watch is this on? He, too, should be called to account.