sticky, but proud

First there were the great Jaffa Cake wars, between McVitie's and HM Government about whether the humble Jaffa Cake was a cake or a biscuit. Biscuits and cakes are considered necessities in UK law and are zero rated for tax.

However, chocolate-covered biscuits are a luxury and subject to VAT at 17.5%. So back in the dark ages, McVities and HM Customs & Excise argued over whether the Jaffa Cake was a cake (no VAT) or a chocolate biscuit (lots of VAT).

The argument went to tribunal for resolution. McVities pulled a 12 inch Jaffa Cake out of the hat to prove cakiness over biscuityness.

BUT NOW

The same thing has happened in the multi year argument between Marks and Spencer and HMG about chocolate teacakes.

For anyone confused about chocolate teacakes, we are talking chocolate dome, marshmallow filling, optional red jam and a slightly crunchy base.

They have just been exempted from VAT in the same way that Jaffa Cakes were previously.

However, HMG's sly rearguard action is to say the VAT does not belong to Marks and Spencers, instead it belongs to the customers who paid it. I'm wondering whether to claim back my share of the £15million for some purchases I've made over the years.

BUT I'D BE CHEATING

And why would I be cheating? because there is really only one proper chocolate teacake.

The Tunnock.

It's the absolute overlord of the teacake domain. Tunnock teacakes don't have jam in them. They don't need jam. They have reached a pinnacle of marshmallow perfection inside the microthin crackly milk chocolate. Try putting one in the fridge before eating it. Miraculous.

Try the perforated Tunnock suction eating technique or the marshmallow popper (er, maybe too much detail).

Lets just say that these teacakes would be worth the VAT, if one had to pay it. Next time you visit a supermarket, look out for the top shelf yellow packaging and furtively score 6 or even 10 of these princely wonders.

You won't look back.

la fille sur la pont

Decided to go French this evening and watch a black and white movie. The one where the girl stands on a bridge ready to jump into the Seine, but is rescued by a cabaret knife thrower. A simple story, with expansive journeying across Europe, some scenes which pay respect to other movies and a stylishly lit black and white style.

Its a sort of comedy, where the power of two overcomes the bad luck of their individual lives. At one level the underlying story is one of two desparate people who become platonically successful when working the cabaret circuits and casinos of the Mediterranean.
The girl played by Vanessa Paradis (nowadays partner of Johnny Depp) agrees to become the Daniel Auteuil knife thrower's target. Much of the story is a two hander between them, with incidental encounters akin to a road movie.

There's a fair amount of edgey blindfolded and bound knife throwing in the movie and the girl Adele has a fair few other encounters with passing men as the storyline progresses.

Its an interesting essay into screenplay too, with Patrice Leconte's direction making quite simple scenes and words tell a story which I find quite captivating, with its poetic underpinning of destiny and making one's own luck.

Follow the sound of the crickets.

base optimism or economic with the facts?

I was passing the Bank of England in the City on Wednesday and noticed the news being filmed on the pavement. Interesting to hear a news outside broadcast in real life instead of from the television.

An ITN broadcaster was talking to camera about the gloomy IMF forecasts for the economy and the subsequent speculation whether or not there would be a further base rate cut Thursday. The rashbre central bet is another .25% reduction.

Our UK Chancellor Mr Darling says the UK's growth has been downrated less than everyone else and that is supposed to build our confidence.

When he goes on to say that UK economy could grow by up to 2.25% in 2008 and 2.75% the following year, he seems to be saying something at odds with the rest of the economists, who seem to be revising downward now to 1.6% for 2008.

Darling's statement predicts a range of 1.7%-2.25%, but the implication of the range and his statement of "optimism" are to direct thinking into to the 2%+ zone.

Of course it is great to have someone with such decisive visionary leadership skills managing our UK economy.

repeat offender

Back from seeing Jimmy Carr doing a stand-up comic show. I arrived about 2 minutes before the start, and as I hadn't arranged the tickets, I was somehow expecting it to be the guy from the Friday Night Project. Jimmy Carr made a quip about this very topic in the first few minutes.

Carr mixes smarm with smut and I think one of his previous tours was called Charm Offensive. This one is called Repeat Offender and in between some cracker humour there were pops at just about anything that would get spoken about in hushed tones in the back bar.

There was a huge amount of content, good ad-lib banter with the audience and a pretty swift response to the occasional heckle. It was entertaining enough and felt like a good evening out.

My sort of 'but' is that when I've seen Dylan Moran or Peter Kay do stand-up, they can use wit over political incorrectness to drive their humour. Jimmy Carr did a slew of excellent one-liner gags and a few slightly longer ones, but I found the reliance on pivoting his jokes around political incorrectness a little wearing.

Judging from the hoots of laughter from the audience, I suspect I was in the minority.

hello boys

"Hello Boys" rises to a new level with the new Agent Provocateur advert beamed onto the side of Marble Arch.

baa

Out in the Cotswolds today, for a meeting this morning, and then across to another one this afternoon in Surrey.

Passing through the countryside, with hardly a trace of yesterday's snow and showing green shoots on trees and plenty of new lambs bouncing about in the fields.

Of course, lambs have brown adipose tissue; that's different from white adipose tissue and helps keep them warm and snuggly.

Tomorrow, I'm in Watford!

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Smashing

The Wondermashers of Doctor Who's new series grabbed 8.4 million viewers on Saturday, apparently by taking an early screen time as 'the gateway to the evening'. Sounds more like something from the Torchwood rift to me.

The horse race earlier in the day attracted just over ten million viewers and the rather cheap ITV1 television filler programme TV Burps (offcuts from shows with apparently humorous commentaries) took the highest commercial television entertainment programme rating with 5.5 million. The Anne Robinson breast groping incident had about 5.5 million too.

No wonder there's cutbacks in TV drama production budgets, when a horse race, some crass and limp editing and titivation of a quiz show get nearly the same audience figures as a flagship BBC series.

I'll stay loyal to the idea of Doctor Who as good family 'hide behind the sofa' Saturday entertainment although this week the monsters were a tad too friendly looking to pose any real threat - maybe they grow up all snarly later in the series.

The Ms Foster character who 'foster mothered' them was modelled on the aforementioned Anne Robinson, albeit with different hair colouring. The new slapstick relationship between The Doctor and the Catherine Tate character was pretty slick. I've never really enjoyed the Catherine Tate shows and her comic book characterisations but since I heard her interviewing David Tennant on a Radio 4 show a couple of months ago, it was clear that the two of them had really hit it off.

Of course, most fans are probably waiting for the real monsters to show up, rather than a fairly tame set of squeaky micro Mr Blobbies. I know they were supposed to kill one million people as part of the plot-line, but it all seemed a bit detached in the way of a spreadsheet calculation, when you only got to see half a dozen non speaking extras writhing on the floor before being saved.

We also had a fleeting flash of Rose's eyeliner before she disappeared into a parallel universe again but the multiple ex Doctor Who assistant storyline has been well leaked so I guess that will help ratings further along the series.

The spaceship involved seemed to pay homage to Close Encounters (spinning top shape, flashing light, spiky bits) and it had multiple tractor beams to retrieve the so handy pack sized Adipose made of white fat tissue (WAT?) extracted from humans. I assume the Beeb is flexing its CGI muscles with the spacecraft and little aliens before the real baddies start to cut up rough in the rest of the series and I hope there will be some other dues paid to famous scenes.

I've series linked it on the Sky Plus now, and am sure I will watch the whole series. UK needs a few institutional television shows beyond the pure soaps.

Secret Winter Bomb Detonated

In a leaked memorandum, it can be exclusively revealed by rashbre central that the UK Government authorized detonation of a Winter Bomb over southern England early this morning. Scientists at the closely guarded Chillingston Weatherby facility have been waiting for an opportunity to use these capabilities for over two years.

Reliable sources informed rashbre central that the escalated reason to use the officially named 'Climate Modification Capability' (CMC) was linked to today's planned run of the Olympic torch through Central London against the backdrop of protestors linked to China's civil rights record. The intention has been to create a weather-based diversion to reduce the impact of the event.

Other factors receiving beneficial side effects from the detonation include the London's Heathrow airport, where plausible weather based delays to flights allow workers a chance to relocate the 28,000 missing luggage items. The snow also mitigates against global warming concerns which this weekend saw gratuitous pictures of sun drenched British beaches in many of the red tops.

Across the capital, unseasonally early barbecue plans were today halted as children switched from finding sun-blocker to looking for bobble-hats and scarves and prepared to build snowmen.

A spokesman for the Meteorological Office commented "We noticed an excessive buildup of snow clouds suddenly this morning at about 02:30. The weather pattern was unusual, as was the way that synchronized snowfall occurred in a cell pattern very similar to the planned route of today's London procession. However, there was also significant wind strength last night and the main weather system seems to have drifted south west from the originally expected position."

There are now fears of people trapped indoors by the still rising quantities of snow drifting in some places to a height of several metres. The UK Government was unavailable for comment, having been delayed in traffic chaos caused by what has been described as the wrong kind of snow.

troubadour

A re-acquaintance with the Troubadour today, in the Old Brompton Road.

We were already right in the area and it seemed like the perfect spot to while away an hour or two. It used to be a regular spot when I lived around Gloucester Road, whether for very late breakfasts or late night music.

Re-assuringly similar as we sat by one of the big coffee-pot bedecked windows where we drank cider, chatted and listened to eclectic music.

torchwood finale

"Set the freezer to defrost in 107 years time!" - great line in this Torchwood finale, with its plot devices worthy of the crew from Moving Wallpaper.

Jonathan Pope in 'wallpaper' was always trying to get the best soap prizes and wouldn't care about blowing things up, who fell for whom or who needed to be in a horrible accident if it was in the best needs of ratings.

Torchwood seems to be moving to this approach with lots of explosions, mutants, time-travel, gunfire and character catastrophes. As genre television, its great fun and good to see the irreverence towards what would usually be the gang of stars in the series. And its good to have one where even Julie got it wrong about the plot line having said before it started, based on the link person's words that (a) someone quite important would be killed and (b) it would be the fella of the ex policewoman. How wrong.

Don't click the plot synopsis above if you havn't watched the episode, otherwise its the one minute recap of the whole show. And I'm wondering about another subtle plot-line that might still be in the background for Series 3 with 'Owen' returning.

circuit

After some office meetings in the City, I'd been standing on Blackfriars Bridge finishing a telephone conference call in the open air and sunlight. As I finished the call, I decided to take a round about walk back, to admire the late afternoon weather and have an excuse to take some photos playing with a 20mm lens. Manual focus and fixed length, much more like film photography.

I decided to do a circuit along the Embankment, across the Millennium Bridge by the Tate Gallery and then via Gabriel's Wharf and back towards Westminster. It is still a little early in the year for there to be huge quantities of tourists, so a large proportion of the people around were Londoners, walking with purpose to get home, or more likely to meet friends somewhere for an after work drink.


Late afternoon, low sun and most of London chilling for the weekend. By the Festival Hall hundreds of coffee drinkers and book fair browsers with nearby skateboarding and extreme biking in the graffiti zone.

London winding down for the weekend. Like me.

replica sun machine

Continuing the occasional references to rashbre central's penchant for psychedelic indie pop, The Shortwave Set's Replica Sun Machine has been playing in the garret over the last couple of days. Difficult to classify, I think they call themselves Victorian funk.

Mainstream references would be nods to the Scissor Sisters, Goldfrapp, and Gnarls Barclay but with unusual microphones. I'll add nome NMH and even Decemberist storylines into that classification.

Spiraling progressive rock style chords, synthy arpeggiation, warm pads of cushiony enveloping sound, thoughtful big sounding strings behind a bass rock and acoustic guitar mix. Fronted by clever lyrics, which seem to change on the page as you read their looped artwork.

Shakers and movers. Let 'em laugh, let 'em shout. Who's gonna care when its all messed up?A hundred thousand reasons why. I don't wanna know.

Shortwave Set have a subtle guerilla Replica Sun Machine site too, from the band's Andrew Petitt including musical references like Olivia Newton Control, who have also featured here in rashbre central alongside the related Apples in Stereo.

A fine album, which also includes John Cale on viola, all the way from Deptford to Hollywood.

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