Sunday, 6 April 2008
Secret Winter Bomb Detonated
In a leaked memorandum, it can be exclusively revealed by rashbre central that the UK Government authorized detonation of a Winter Bomb over southern England early this morning. Scientists at the closely guarded Chillingston Weatherby facility have been waiting for an opportunity to use these capabilities for over two years.
Reliable sources informed rashbre central that the escalated reason to use the officially named 'Climate Modification Capability' (CMC) was linked to today's planned run of the Olympic torch through Central London against the backdrop of protestors linked to China's civil rights record. The intention has been to create a weather-based diversion to reduce the impact of the event.
Other factors receiving beneficial side effects from the detonation include the London's Heathrow airport, where plausible weather based delays to flights allow workers a chance to relocate the 28,000 missing luggage items. The snow also mitigates against global warming concerns which this weekend saw gratuitous pictures of sun drenched British beaches in many of the red tops.
Across the capital, unseasonally early barbecue plans were today halted as children switched from finding sun-blocker to looking for bobble-hats and scarves and prepared to build snowmen.
A spokesman for the Meteorological Office commented "We noticed an excessive buildup of snow clouds suddenly this morning at about 02:30. The weather pattern was unusual, as was the way that synchronized snowfall occurred in a cell pattern very similar to the planned route of today's London procession. However, there was also significant wind strength last night and the main weather system seems to have drifted south west from the originally expected position."
There are now fears of people trapped indoors by the still rising quantities of snow drifting in some places to a height of several metres. The UK Government was unavailable for comment, having been delayed in traffic chaos caused by what has been described as the wrong kind of snow.